All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Randomize
