just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Blood and glitter go together right?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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