you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
