you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
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You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
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the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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