im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
two words...techno handjob
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
