How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
