I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
