well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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