Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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