He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
