where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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