I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
