We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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