i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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