I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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