Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
