the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
