i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
