he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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