You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
