i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
