Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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