can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
