Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
