I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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