woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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