its not stalking. its research.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
