I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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