come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
