Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
