Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
