I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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