Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
