If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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