and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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