Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
