what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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