I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
