Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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