So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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