i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Acid is not a monday night drug
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
