i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
