My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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