bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
