i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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