He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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