Only a mothe r could love this liver
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
