I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
