I heard we made out
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
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she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
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In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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