I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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