Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
