Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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