how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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