Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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