Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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