based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
