Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
