So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
