thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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