I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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