Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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