so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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