So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
