The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
