You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
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this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
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You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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