he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
