Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
