In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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