she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
