Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
