guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
