can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
