I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
