Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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