he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
