I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
