wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
